Sunday, August 08, 2004

Uncle Billie's Competition

I made reference to writing some posts previously that got lost when I tried to email them from the iPaq (I don't know that it was the iPaq's fault, I suspect it was Blogger didn't play nicely). One of the posts was about Ellie and I going out to dinner with our friends Janette and Neil (Or Janeil as I nicknamed them on a lark).
We had eaten a good meal at the Blue Gill Grill and we chatting afterward while we finished our drinks. Neil went off to the men's room, and when he came back he asked me if I had noticed the game in the men's room. Since I hadn't, he described what basically sounded like an adult tinkle-target that measured the volume of urine produced by the individual. A kind of competition.
Since I hadn't noticed it, I thought I'd go check it out. Indeed, it was as Neil had described, much like a mini-urinal inside the urinal. On the coin-operated part of the machine was a depiction of a character that looked like a stereotypical redneck. I dropped in a quarter, and "Uncle Billie" challenged me to a pissing contest. Having already gone once that evening I immediate felt under the gun. What if I got "stage fright" and couldn't produce? I finally managed to compete. In the end Uncle Billie informed me a "hamster could piss more than that." I thought, geez you filthy-mouthed redneck, you're just some kind of self-loathing urinal peeker, but then I remembered it was only a machine. I don't know what disturbed mind produced this device, but it was definitely the first time I'd ever seen anything like it.


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